A Moment in Parenting A Child with Severe Social Anxiety & Behavioral Issues

Today ended well. We went to a potluck with our fellow Bible Study families and for the most part, it went well and our children behaved. For most parents, this would be a no-brainer. For me, I am almost crying, I am so relieved and the emotional fall-out after the event is over is almost like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Why? Because I have a nine year old with extreme social anxiety and behavioral issues.

What does that mean? It means my oldest son is very unpredictable in social settings (well, he is almost predictably badly behaved, but it is unpredictable how badly he is going to behave.) In social settings, he gets very anxious. He worries about what people are going to think about him. Then he gets himself worked up and any perceived slight or insult will trigger his anger. He calls names, he swears, he hits, he throws a major fit. At best, he is just sullen and rude and leaves everyone alone to sulk in a corner, muttering to himself and we just hope no one gets close enough to hear the awful things he is saying.

This has been my life with him for about three or four years. Sometimes it has been better than this. Sometimes it has been much, much worse. School has been a nightmare. We have him in therapy with a psychiatrist and he’s on his 2^nd counselor. He sees a counselor and a psychiatrist at school on a weekly basis as well. His school has created an action plan of rules just for him, because he doesn’t fit into any of their existing protocol for dealing with troubled children.

I hardly leave the house during the day, because I don’t want to get a phone call from the school telling me I need to pick him up when I’m somewhere that I can’t just drop everything and go get him. I spend every school day cringing with dread any time the phone rings, because so many times it IS the school calling to tell me something I don’t want to hear.

Social occasions are nightmares. I can sense the thoughts of the other parents as my child acts out. He’s behaving like a spoiled uncontrolled brat and I’m helpless. I feel their judgment on my shoulders. “Why does she allow that?” “Why doesn’t she punish him?” “That mother needs to have a firmer hand.” “She needs to grow up and control that kid.”

I just want to cry. So many of my fellow parents do want to offer support and understanding. But as much as I appreciate their support (and I do, it does help!), very few of them can really understand. It is one of those annoying circumstances where you can’t ever fully understand unless you are living it yourself (and I used to hate it when people would tell me that, but I’ve come to know that sometimes it is true). Only other parents of special needs children can understand.  Leaving a party, restaurant, or other place due to a tantrum is something most parents experience. But for most parents, it is a limited-time phase a child goes through or a once-in-a-rare-occasion occurrence. For a parent of a special needs child, that phase can last years (or a lifetime). The frequency of occurrence is more like 95% rather than 5%.  If your child acted out to the point you had to leave during a social function 19 out of 20 times, instead of once out of 20 times, would you be tempted to cut back your social calendar? I think so! The intensity of what we “special needs” parents are dealing with is so hard to explain so that a parent of “normal” children can understand. It is a bit like a person with a sprained ankle trying to understand what it is like for a double leg amputee to live in a world full of stairs.

Maybe none of the other parents are thinking judge-y thoughts about me, but I feel like they are, because half the time I’m thinking that about myself.  I feel like a failure as a parent ALL THE TIME. But being firm with my son doesn’t work. Disciplines that are standard fare for most children (time-outs, grounding, taking a favorite toy away) don’t work. He’s not a spoiled brat – he has anxiety. His brain does not function the way a normal nine-year-old brain functions. His thought patterns are different. He gets locked into a cycle where he feels attacked and his only recourse is to attack back. His brain perceives little problems as huge life-or-death problems and then he’s at a point where reason just doesn’t work. He’s out of control and there is nothing he can do about it. There is little that I can do about it either, except to remove him from the situation.

Once he calms down and his brain unlocks and he can think and reason again, he’s almost always remorseful. The worst part is that he hates himself. He hates that he can’t control his brain. He hates that he embarrasses himself and us as his parents. That embarrassment just makes his anxiety that much worse the next time we have a social function to endure.

So really, it is no shock that we tend to avoid social situations. So much easier to just not go in the first place, than to go and have to leave partway through, humiliated and defeated, frustrated and angry, sad and despairing that nothing will ever improve – my heart exhausted for myself and broken for my son.

However, that won’t really help him in the long run, will it? He’s on two different medications, he’s been in counseling for almost two years, we’ve learned a lot as his parents. So we have been trying to increase our social life. Tonight’s venture to the potluck was a step in that direction. 

We talked to him before-hand, explaining the timing of the event, who would be there, what his options for activities were, what we expected of him, what the consequence would be if he made bad behavior decisions, etc. We braced ourselves and prepared for the worst – we had a game plan in place in case he behaved his worst. Then the evening passed with only a few minor incidents. One of which got him a time-out on the couch, where he immediately started to get into fight mode, but we both sat down and were able to talk to him before he escalated. We were able to praise him for the good play he’d been engaged in with the little kids up to that point. We stressed that we understood how hard it was to be the biggest and oldest kid and not be able to play as roughly as they were because he was bigger and stronger. Then we gently explained how his behavior could be harmful and asked that if he didn’t feel he could play safely, that he could choose to draw with the drawing paper and pens we’d brought for him instead. He opted to come hang out with us and draw for a bit while he had dessert and within 15 minutes had regained his control and went back to play and the evening ended successfully (of course, we were the first ones to leave – we wanted to get out of there while we could still end on a positive note!) We told the kids how proud we were of their behavior (our 2^nd son is high-functioning Autistic and so has his own set of issues sometimes!) and that we appreciated their good behavior because it allowed us to enjoy rare grown-up time with our friends.

Still, even as well as the evening went, I was an emotional mess once we got home and I put the kids to bed and had some down time to decompress. Even though our oldest behaved himself pretty well this time, I was still waiting the entire evening for the usual fall-out. Like a soldier returned from battle who hits the ground when a car backfires, my heart rate increased every time I heard a crash or a child cry. Even if it wasn’t my child causing the tears, my stress level was still zooming up with each incident – whether my child was involved or not. By the time we got home, I was emotionally exhausted. Just another side affect of living with and parenting a child with social anxiety and behavioral issues. I still count tonight as a win, though, and it gives me hope that there are more wins in our future.

I know that God gave us the children that He did for a reason. I know how much I’ve grown as a person in my tolerance, patience, and understanding. I am a stronger person for having parented my son and I hope to be even stronger by the time he’s a grown man and living his own life. I hope and pray that he will be stronger too, and in full control of himself, having learned how to live with his anxiety and anger. Most of the time, despite all the struggles and pain and worry and stress we’ve been through, I feel positive about the future. I trust God’s purpose for our lives so I have hope that what we are enduring today will be used for something great in the future. However, I am still human. This isn’t easy. There are times I want to cry. There are times that I do. But amongst the little defeats, the many set-backs, and the huge blowouts, there are sweet, precious moments of winning. I’ll take them. 

One of These Things Does Not Belong!

Well, the holiday season is upon us and I can tell the busy season has hit because I will be posting half the blog posts this month as in the two previous months. Whoops!

My husband and I have always had a "not till after Thanksgiving Day" policy regarding all things Christmas (except for buying gifts - I'll do that year-round if I see the perfect thing for someone!) Alas, this policy, like so many, has been completely ignored by our children. Our oldest especially, as he is eight and is An Authority on Just About Everything.

He is also very adept at getting into the boxes in the garage, and so delved into a Christmas box early. After strictly informing him that the box would be the only one to be opened early or he forfeits a Christmas present, I allowed the kids to get the stuff out of the box and start to decorate the house last week.

One of their favorite things is the Fisher Price Little People nativity set. All three love this toy, even though anything "Little People" in our regular toy selection is considered "baby stuff" by the boys. They had much fun and merriment setting the nativity up and setting out all the figures just so. I didn't really pay much attention until I went to look out the window at some deer the other day.

Can you spot the anomaly?

Just in case you need a hint:

Somehow I don't think the baby Jesus had blond hair, a pink bow, or a cuddly teddy bear. That would be because this is the baby from my daughter's Mom & Baby Minivan set. Apparently the nativity baby Jesus was missing, so the kids had to substitute. 

All you purists out there can relax, the real Little People Baby Jesus was found later that day. All is well in the world once again!

Pumpkin Patch Time!

I absolutely ADORE fall. The crunchy leaves, the wind in the trees, the stormy rainy days, cozy meals, and the annual family trip to the pumpkin patch!

This year we decided to try out BelleWood Acres - known mostly for their apples (and they are amazing!) but they also have a pumpkin patch. BONUS: you can ride in a train of apple carts pulled by a tractor. My kids were thrilled.

You get a gorgeous view of Mount Baker while selecting your pumpkins. They've set up a great photo opportunity to take advantage of it. The cart in front is our selection of pumpkins. My oldest was excited that his pumpkin was the tallest of the five.

 They also have a wonderful shopping area where you can buy fresh-made donut holes, apple cider, a wide variety of apples, caramel apples, cookies, other treats, and fun decorations! Plus, the kids can sit on this awesome rocking horse. Although, as you can see, my 2nd son was less than thrilled to share his turn with little sister, hahaha!

Despite the look on Thad's face, we had quite a fun time on this year's pumpkin picking trip. Our two boys both have extra needs plus our daughter is three, so family outings are always an unknown. Will they behave? Will we have a meltdown? Will more than one of them meltdown at the same time? (This has happened and is probably one of the most parenting stressors known to mankind, ha!) Thankfully this time everyone behaved (mostly - they ARE kids, after all - some whining is expected) and we all went home happy.

An Atypical First Day of School Photo

So, my oldest son suffers from pretty bad anxiety. Bad enough that even though we are not the sort of parents to rush our kids to psychiatrists and doctors at every little thing they do that is out of the ordinary, we felt his anxiety levels were enough above normal to warrant medical intervention.

So he's on meds, and he's in therapy, and we are constantly working on ways to help him cope. Some days are great, some days are ok, and some days are really really hard. However, even in some of those really really hard days we can still find moments of humor, laughter and joy.

For instance, the first day of school. Every kid is a little nervous, right? Even the most excited ones probably still have at least a twinge of anxious anticipation pinging around inside of them. Isaac, on the other hand, takes that to a whole new level.

Witness his first day of school photo:

Now, this is not your typical standing by the bus or front door with a wide grin on your face first day of school photo, is it?

Despite the evidence above, he actually did get on the bus (after a lot of coaxing) and when I got a call after lunch-time from the school nurse informing me he had a tummy ache and wanted to come home, I was able to convince him to stay, and he made it the rest of the day.

However, in moments like the one above, I've found it invaluable as a stressed-out parent to find the humor in the situation. Ok, sometimes the humor doesn't strike you until later and some of the moments we've been through with him are bad enough that there just isn't any humor to be found. But God truly blessed us with our son, despite the challenges He included, and Isaac does bring so many moments of laughter into our lives.

So when I saw what he was doing, I grabbed my camera. *CLICK* There we have it - our son's first day of 2nd Grade, yay!

Note: after we convinced him to leave the house (but before we had to bribe him onto the bus) I did manage to get this shot, more closely resembling the typical First Day of School photo - albeit the smile is heavily infused with nervous grimace.

Flashback Friday - Trimming the Tree

My blogger friend Tia has inspired me to flashback on Fridays (when I remember) and this Friday her flashback inspired mine as well.

Since getting married, my husband and I have established the tradition of getting our tree the day after Thanksgiving. Now that Aaron works on that Friday serving a huge Thanksgiving feast to the homeless community, we've pushed our tree expedition back to Saturday or Sunday dependent on weather, but we like to get our tree as soon as possible so we can enjoy it for as long as we can.

Getting a real tree is a must for both of us. It is what we grew up with, and living where we do, I can't imagine celebrating Christmas without the crisp heady aroma of a real tree scenting the air! Last year was our first Christmas in our new home, and my husband managed to catch the sweetest photos of the kids as we started to decorate the tree.

Isaac was six last year, and took the task of decorating very seriously. You can see how intent he is upon his job.

Thaddeus has some developmental delay and is very sensitive about getting his hair cut, so in order to get through the ordeal as quickly as possible, my husband completely buzzes it twice a year. Last year he did it for the first time just before Christmas. So Thad looks like a recovering cancer patient in all his photos - but apart from choking on a bit of hair and throwing up, it was the least painful haircut he'd had in four years.

Also, see how he put all the jingle bells on the end of one branch? That was his decorating style last year. We had four very over-laden branches where he'd chosen to decorate. I left them like that because it was too cute!

Miriam was 21 months and this was the first year she was aware of the hoopla surrounding Christmas. She saw her older brother sniff the tree, so of course she had to as well.

This set of three photos makes my heart swell with love, and maybe with a touch of sadness because already the kids have grown up more since this time last year and have left these stages behind, and I just want to gather those moments up and hide them inside me, where I can keep my kids safe and no one can ever ever hurt them.

Of course, that's not possible, and I wouldn't be where I am today if my mom had done the same to me, after all. So as I look back over this past year, all our ups and downs, all the tears cried (many by me), all the stress, worry, fear, angst over my children (it's been a hard year), and even the laughter too - I realize that my kids will grow up no matter what I do, so I'd better just do the best I can and take lots of pictures along the way.

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Berenstein Bears

Are you familiar with the Berenstein Bears? The books were popular during my childhood years and my mother-in-law saved all of her boys' Berenstein Bears books. For those in the dark, it is a storyline created by Jan and Stan Berenstein about a family of bears who live in a tree house in Bear Country. Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Brother Bear and Sister Bear (and I think there was a baby born into the family in later years).

Now, from what I remember of the books when I was younger, the stories all had a good message about life, family, etc. Brother and Sister learn to share, going to the dentist isn't scary, going to school is fun, and so on.

Recently my kids have discovered my mother-in-law's stash of books and subsequently we've discovered there is a cartoon series too. Here is where the love/hate part enters. I do love the lessons they insert into most of their episodes, just like in the books. My kids love watching the Berenstein Bears so this is added-value in my opinion, as I've found that children do pick up on the subtleties presented in what they watch. However, the message that the Berenstein Bears videos presents is somewhat erratic and varied.

In my experience of these videos, Papa Bear is the wise head-of-the-family figure one moment and in the next episode, he's a complete idiot. In one episode he's teaching the cubs an important lesson on taking care of responsibility first so that you can enjoy the rewards afterward. The next episode he's obsessed with growing the biggest pumpkin in the country (and acting embarrassingly stupid about it) and when the cubs teach him a lesson in humility, he doesn't even get it.

Now, I know that we as parents are not infallible and in reality we sometimes act like good parents one moment and the like complete idiots the next but I really don't need a cartoon to drive this fact home to my own children, thank you very much. It makes teaching my kids to respect their father that much harder (for we all have an in-born tendency to push against authority, do we not?) when the show they love to watch sets the father up for ridicule and contempt. What is worse, is that he isn't contemptible all the time, so you can't write him off as an undesirable character or a joke. Since the series does present him in a serious light as a wise figure in some episodes, it frustrates me because inevitably the children watching are going to be confused in how to view him. Is he a role model or a dunce? Should they take what he says seriously or ignore it as silliness? I give young children enough credit for them to tell the difference between these two, for my kids know that VeggieTales  stories are based on real stories from the Bible but that Spongebob Squarepants is just plain silliness. However, if the ridiculous (and indeed, duncelike) behavior and the upstanding and admirable behavior are presented by one and the same character, how are they to tell what to take to heart and what to slough off as so much nonsense?

So I've found myself trying to wean my kids off the series, because seeing Papa Bear go from wise and instructional to a bumbling idiot is just too painful for me to watch and I find myself cringing inside. I wonder if Jan and Stan Berenstein are cringing inside too.

Losing My Cool

There comes a time in every mother's life when her child's level of cool outstrips her own. This usually happens around the child's thirteenth birthday, give or take a year or two. In my third child's instance, this happened about 11 years early.

Sunglasses and a cell phone? AND they both match her jammies? I just can't compete with that.

Artistic Ability Runs in the Family

My husband is an amazing artist. It is the first thing that drew me to him, in fact, as he wasn't my usual type. My mom was trying to set me up with his best friend, in fact.

I'm a very creative person, but unfortunately my artistic talents lag behind my creativity. Thankfully between the two of us, we passed on both creativity and talent to our children. Well, 2 1/2 year-old Miriam is still an unknown, but our boys both spend hours (hours!) each day drawing. I go through a 750-sheet pack of copy paper a month, no joke. (Yay for Target and their cheap paper!)

Thaddeus just turned five early this month. He has outstripped his older brother in love of drawing, I think, and easily churns out two to three times the artwork. His favorite thing to do is draw scenes from cartoons that he watches. He'll copy out scenes off DVD cases and inserts, or just from memory.

Here is one he drew of Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner.

 Although I prefer the creativity of his made-up pieces, like this one of a train driving off a broken bridge into the water with an alligator jumping up to scare it, while two floating rubber duckies look on. Is it just me, or is that the most awesome alligator you've ever seen?

I'll have to dig out some of my favorites from Isaac too! One of these days, I might even get around to showing you some of Aaron's awesome artwork. After all, my house is completely decorated with it. :)

Working for the Weekend?

After the weekend we've had, I couldn't help but think of the expression "working for the weekend" and laugh. I swear around here, when Monday morning comes, I breathe a sigh of relief!

We managed to pack tons of fun into this past weekend, but with three little kids, sometimes that fun involves lots and lots of work on our part.

First off, the wedding on Saturday went really well as far as Thad was involved. He only had three melt-downs and all three were over the fact that the wedding couple wasn't going to open their presents at the party (really, who could blame him? The only parties involving presents he's ever been to have been birthday parties so the concept of seeing a table of gifts and not seeing them opened is mystifying!) The first time we broke the news to him, I wasn't sure he'd be able to recover, the poor guy was heartbroken. He cried a couple other times when he'd spot the table of gifts, but reminding him that the presents contained boring things like sheets and toasters helped. No Scooby-Doo videos, Thad! (although I'd have loved getting Scooby-Doo videos for my wedding, ha!)

The wedding was outside, though, and it was FREAKIN' HOT! I think it hit 90 degrees, which is very rare for around here, and having to sit in the heat for nearly 45 minutes waiting for the wedding to start was brutal on the kids. In fact, I missed the last third of the ceremony, because I had to take two-year-old Miriam for a walk through the shaded, wooded paths nearby to get her out of the sun.

I think yesterday was even hotter. We skipped church and the kids played in the little blow-up pool all morning, which Daddy had filled with fresh cold water for them. Then we spent the afternoon at my folks' house since it was the last day my brother was here visiting from Colorado. Mostly we lounged around watching Tom and Jerry cartoons with the kids, because it was too hot to do anything else. The problem with living where it only gets over 80 degrees a handful of days per year is that no one has air conditioning.

Finally, after dinner we all converged on my in-laws' house. They live on the lake - and it is a very clean, clear, refreshing lake too! We jumped in and there was a collective sigh of relief.

I must say, though, I am glad it is Monday and we are back to normal. It is still hotter than Hades out, but at least I have nothing to do but keep the kids from melting. A cool pool and a freezer full of popsicles should do the trick nicely!

I have to say, reading over what I just wrote, that my life looks entirely different now than it did seven years ago. Of course, it isn't surprising considering that then I was child-free with a full-time office job and now I'm a stay-home mother of three! I wouldn't have it any other way (even when I complain that my brain is slowly sizzling away like baking soda doused in vinegar).

The Ghost of Fear

We are going to a wedding tomorrow. It is 1 1/2 hours away and we are taking the kids with us as we've been informed by relatives that we don't dare show up without them.

Our 2nd son, who just turned five, is mildly autistic. Well, the two consultants at Children's Hospital in Seattle have refused to label him as such and instead call it Pervasive Developmental Delay, Not Otherwise Specified - which puts it under the same developmental umbrella as Autism and is harder to say, so we just call it Autism.

What does that have to do with the wedding? Well, for years, going anywhere with all our kids was painful. We slowly stopped going out to restaurants because Thad couldn't sit still through a meal. We stopped going to family-friendly church events or friends' BBQs because dealing with Thad's social issues while keeping an eye on the other two children meant that neither my husband nor I ever had the chance to visit, so it was pretty much pointless to go at all. Essentially we found ourselves avoiding any public group activities because it was too stressful for us and the kids.

However, Thad is now five and - thanks to special ed preschool and both speech and occupational private therapy - he's come quite far socially and developmentally. We've started going out as a family again, and sometimes it isn't half bad!

I am still haunted by the ghost of fear, though. Every time we have a family activity planned, my stomach clenches up and anxiety seizes control of my emotional and logical self. Going to events still isn't the carefree get-up-and-go experience that it seems to be for parents of "normal" children.

In fact, I clearly remember watching the kids play on the playground after church one Sunday about a year ago and talking with one of the other moms. She asked if we were going to the church campout the following weekend. I attempted to explain why we were not, and I can clearly see the blank expression on her face - confusion, disbelief, skepticism, and just plain not understanding. She just didn't GET it. At which point, I got something that I hadn't been getting: normal families had completely different experiences of going out than we did.

Now, a year later, we also sometimes have that "normal family" experience when we go out. My husband and I will look at each other while driving home and be astonished that nothing terrible happened. No freak-outs, no scream-fests, no ten-minute struggles trying to get our son to calm down and just eat ONE BITE of dinner. I remember after one memorable family trip to lunch out and a stroll along the beach, I turned to Aaron and said, "So this is what normal families feel like! No wonder they are always going out and doing things. It's FUN!"

So now I'm facing a day-long trip tomorrow, to a wedding - where kids have to sit still and be quiet for large amounts of time - and I'm fighting down that anxiety. Thankfully, the wedding is outdoors, it is "casual and rustic" according to the invite, and we know from experience that these relatives are easy-going and kid-friendly. Plus my in-laws will be along to lend two pairs of extra helping hands! I am tentatively hopeful that it will be a mostly-good day.

Quick note about my to-do list: I did sort through the kids' clothes, but I didn't get to the dishes. I did make dinner, but I didn't mail my order (she said she wasn't in a hurry and I didn't leave the house to drop it off at the post office). I also cleaned the master bath shower, which wasn't on my list and I can't remember how it came about, but there you go.

So today's list: put together some photos and mats for the wedding gift, wash my outfit that I want to wear tomorrow, and mail the order on my way to my mom's (yay for Nana having Fridays off and getting me and the kids out of the house for an afternoon!) I've decided to let my husband tackle the dishes. After all, I don't want to hog ALL the fun, right?

WWJW - What Would Jesus Watch?

We had dinner at my parents' house last night (Yay Mom for making me a nice dinner when I am so sick!) and my husband drove the boys home in his truck (since he met us there after work) while I took the baby in the van.

He told me that on the way home, Isaac asked if God had DVDs in heaven. My husband said, in typical parental fashion, "What do you think?"

"No, I bet God has On Demand!"


Ahahahahahahahahah!!! I wonder if He watches America's Next Top Model with as much anticipation as the rest of the world? LOL

Speaking of Babies...

Miri likes to stand now, and one of her favorite methods is to hang off my pants while I'm in the kitchen cooking or making lotion.

Which was fine, until today, when I was still in my baggy flannels and hadn't tied them around the waist and she was "helping" me make some lotion and pulled my pants down! The sudden give of material startled her into letting go and she fell backward and whomped her head pretty good on the floor.

Poor baby, lying there with her head injury and her mama screaming in laughter with her pants halfway down.

The worst was that I lost my place while measuring and my scale turned off on me. So I had to pour the scent back into the bottle and re-measure.

Miri was fine. By the time I went back into the kitchen a few minutes later to stir, she was back at it, clinging to my pants - which this time were firmly tied!

And Then There Were Three!

Stop beating down my blogverbial doors! I'll give you the synopsis on our third and last child now!

Miriam was born end of March last year. I can't believe she is nine months old already. She has been our joy, truly the best-natured, happiest baby I've known, which I'm sure will come back and bite me on the arse when she is a teenager, hehehe.

Gulp.

Really, though, when you know this is your last baby, it sure is nice for that baby to be fun and a joy to be around. Miri is just so happy with life. Well, unless she is tired, hungry, or teething - but who isn't cranky in those situations?

She crawls like a fiend, pulls herself up on anything she possibly can, and has recently discovered the joys of walking, using her baby stroller we got her for Christmas. The look of impish joy on her face as she haltingly pushes that wee stroller around is priceless beyond words!

But it is obvious from that twinkle in her eye, she means trouble - and so we better be on our toes!

Second Son, NOT Same as the First

When I found out our second baby was also going to be a boy, I knew theoretically that they would be different, but in reality, I totally prepared for the baby to follow in his brother's footsteps.

Boy, was I wrong! The adage "no two children are alike" is true. So very true. I am sorry I doubted you, adage.

Our first son had colic, and cried almost constantly (or that was what it felt like at least) for the first four months. Second son was a peach! He slept through the night after only a few weeks, and the best part was that he didn't wail for three hours before doing it, either. Isaac, even up through age two or three, took a lot of work to put to bed and usually still cried or fussed himself to sleep for a few minutes. Thad was so easy - you just laid him down and walked away. No fuss, no muss.

Of course, as Thad grew out of babyhood and into toddlerhood, the personality differences became much clearer. Thad is a very happy child, but on the rare occasions he got upset or mad, it was like a hurricane blew in, wreaked havoc, and then left - all in the space of minutes!

Thad is now three years old. He was a really late talker - in fact, he is still catching up to his peer level. We have had some concerns over his developmental delays. At 2 1/2 to 3 years old it is hard to tell whether he is just displaying extreme toddler angst or if there are deeper issues at hand. We've had evaluations done, but no one was willing to give a hard and firm diagnosis - we'd have to take him down to Children's hospital in Seattle to do that, and I am just not willing to put him through that yet. The evaluations done here were harrowing enough.

These local evaluations did qualify him for occupational and speech therapy, which we will start soon. They also qualified him for the public pre-school program aimed at children with developmental delays. He started the one-on-one prep class with his teachers in December and has done really well; we hope to integrate him into the classroom with the other children soon!

He is such a soft-hearted sweetie with a 1,000-watt smile! When he is adorable, he is the most adorable boy on earth. When he is cranky, you want to tear your hair out! I am not sure which son is more persistent - they just wear you down in different ways!

One of my favorite Thad quirks is how he will ask for something 23 billion times until you finally say, "Oh, Thad, would you like some pretzel sticks?" and then he will happily say, "Okay!" like it was all your idea - and a great one at that.

Another thing he does is say thank you - to everything. He'll be having a temper tantrum over watching a show and I'll get down and take away the DVD case as his punishment and when he calms himself down, I'll give it back to him and make him put it away. "Thanks" he says. Hahaha. Silly boy.

For a long time, he wouldn't give hugs, but he has now decided hugs are awesome, so he gives everyone one! He likes to reach around both your arms and squeeze with all his little three-year-old strength. I just love it!

I have a feeling that Thad will give us a hefty set of challenges that are completely different than his older brother's; I also think he'll bring us some of life's greatest joys. My heart swells when I spend time with Thad - he has that effect on you!